11-24-08
Rachel,
Today is Mommy and Daddys anniversary! Your Daddy doesnt usually take me out for our anniversary but since you came into our lives he is a changed man in alot of ways.He and I have been out 3 times in the last month and prior to you we had mayber gone out 3 times in the past year.
Honestly Rachel, I am in more pain in the last 5 days over your death than I was in the last 5 weeks. It is really hitting me hard now. The novelty of it all has worn off for most people around me and I feel so very alone im my sadness. I am not sure how your Dad is doing. He works so many hours. Maybe that is how he is coping. I keep tryint to fill that hole your death left in my heart with things like my locket with your adorable tiny face on it, or the ring with your color stone in it or busy work or working on your blog, but I have come to realize that the hole will forever be there. I am not the same.
My hope is in the Lord. HIS love keeps me going. The awareness that He has a plan and a purpose for this tragedy in my life gives me strength. Even when I am on my face with grief, I know He is with me.
Love Mom
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Yes Barb that hole will always be there waiting for the day that you and Rachel are once again united! If you were to fill the hole then her place would not be there when you meet again...
You see, the only difference from today and the tomorrows to come are this: that hole is there, each day it becomes a little easier to live with, each day is one day closer to when you will be together again, each day you will feel His Light within that hole grow stronger, each day her presence within grows stronger...
Not one person that has crossed her path has forgotten!
Not one person that has crossed her path was not moved in some way by meeting her.
And not one person that has crossed her path will be the same ever again!
I just know that as you grow and move forward in your life, fulfilling your purpose here on earth, Rachel is proud to have you for a mother, she is smiling upon now as I write this, she smiles upon you as you write all your thoughts and emotions.
Believe it or not, she is in that "hole" that you speak of! It is now just a matter of when you truly feel her there.
I love you all so very much!
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